Random Friday Morning Wonderings
Its a Friday morning and beautiful outside today. Instead of saying something like, "I think summer has finally arrived," I'll just say, "It is a nice, warm, week." That way there is no confusion when suddenly, sure that "summer has arrived," you are fishing in your closet for a thick, wool sweater. Because it is so beautiful, I feel this extreme pressure to be outside right now. I will soon, after the baby's nap. Warmth. Sunshine. Vitamin D. Friendliness.
On this beautiful, Friday morning, I am wondering a couple of things:
What it is like as a young (sort of) adult living in America? How is the social climate, how do friendships work...? Here, we meet people so easily in the playgrounds. With more of a play-in-your-own-backyard culture in the U.S., I wonder where people meet each other. Through the schools, in the supermarkets? And what is the depth of the social interaction? Here, it is hard to become friends with Germans, but once you do, it is sort of like a long-term committment. With Americans, I get the feeling the friendships are easily made, but then easily left...more fluid-like. I wonder if that's true.
I am also wondering if we'll get to the states and think we made a very bad decision by moving. This is kind of scary. I don't think that will be the case, as we are very ready to leave here, but what if we do get there and are like, oh my god, what the hell were we thinking? It isn't like we can just pack up and go back. A couple of years ago, we would have never made a move like this. But now a couple of things have changed...the children and the school/cultural-educational situation for example. But another big one is simply that life is just too short. Because we are such "third culture kids," I don't think it is very likely that we will ever feel at home with any particular culture, and therefore, we may as well make it interesting and experience life in different places. Of course this isn't easy to do with children, but I think there are certain transitional windows where it works. And it is, of course, very enriching for them as well.
And are there places, apart from the more urban centers, where there is really this community feeling? Do people look out for one another? Are there places that feel like little villages? Do small, yet progressive-minded towns exist? One thing I am both interested in and scared of if the idea of a single family home. Do people in single family homes feel vulnerable? Can't anyone just come up on your property and peer through your windows to see what you're cookin' up for supper? Or is that just me being Total Paranoid Mama? When we were in the states not too long ago having a look at houses, I have to admit it felt kind of lonely in these old, empty houses. If your neighbors on both sides are on vacation, the next nearest humans could be pretty far away. So, this is bringing me to a refreshing new concept: townhomes or row houses. There are some big, old, beautiful ones out there. And then you can have your own nice space and yard, but still hear the rattles and knocks of other human beings which I think would make me feel a little better. And plus, you don't have to walk a mile to borrow an egg then. Anyways...we'll see.
Here it actually wouldn't be that strange if someone peeked their head in to ask me what I was cookin' up for supper, as we often just leave the front door open so our daughter and other children in the building can roam around the apartments, stairs, and backyard freely. I think I am just very used to city living. Always having noise and people around is kind of comforting. A couple of years back, we were staying in a gasthaus somewhere in the The Middle of Nowhere, and I couldn't sleep because it was too quiet. I didn't have the lulling affects of the tram, large trucks, and a constant stream of cars to carry me into sleep. I felt like I just had big, static headphones on. It was a little freaky. So, a single family home, must be very quiet too. Oh lordy.
Ok, enough wondering. Comments? Advice? Time to go outside.
On this beautiful, Friday morning, I am wondering a couple of things:
What it is like as a young (sort of) adult living in America? How is the social climate, how do friendships work...? Here, we meet people so easily in the playgrounds. With more of a play-in-your-own-backyard culture in the U.S., I wonder where people meet each other. Through the schools, in the supermarkets? And what is the depth of the social interaction? Here, it is hard to become friends with Germans, but once you do, it is sort of like a long-term committment. With Americans, I get the feeling the friendships are easily made, but then easily left...more fluid-like. I wonder if that's true.
I am also wondering if we'll get to the states and think we made a very bad decision by moving. This is kind of scary. I don't think that will be the case, as we are very ready to leave here, but what if we do get there and are like, oh my god, what the hell were we thinking? It isn't like we can just pack up and go back. A couple of years ago, we would have never made a move like this. But now a couple of things have changed...the children and the school/cultural-educational situation for example. But another big one is simply that life is just too short. Because we are such "third culture kids," I don't think it is very likely that we will ever feel at home with any particular culture, and therefore, we may as well make it interesting and experience life in different places. Of course this isn't easy to do with children, but I think there are certain transitional windows where it works. And it is, of course, very enriching for them as well.
And are there places, apart from the more urban centers, where there is really this community feeling? Do people look out for one another? Are there places that feel like little villages? Do small, yet progressive-minded towns exist? One thing I am both interested in and scared of if the idea of a single family home. Do people in single family homes feel vulnerable? Can't anyone just come up on your property and peer through your windows to see what you're cookin' up for supper? Or is that just me being Total Paranoid Mama? When we were in the states not too long ago having a look at houses, I have to admit it felt kind of lonely in these old, empty houses. If your neighbors on both sides are on vacation, the next nearest humans could be pretty far away. So, this is bringing me to a refreshing new concept: townhomes or row houses. There are some big, old, beautiful ones out there. And then you can have your own nice space and yard, but still hear the rattles and knocks of other human beings which I think would make me feel a little better. And plus, you don't have to walk a mile to borrow an egg then. Anyways...we'll see.
Here it actually wouldn't be that strange if someone peeked their head in to ask me what I was cookin' up for supper, as we often just leave the front door open so our daughter and other children in the building can roam around the apartments, stairs, and backyard freely. I think I am just very used to city living. Always having noise and people around is kind of comforting. A couple of years back, we were staying in a gasthaus somewhere in the The Middle of Nowhere, and I couldn't sleep because it was too quiet. I didn't have the lulling affects of the tram, large trucks, and a constant stream of cars to carry me into sleep. I felt like I just had big, static headphones on. It was a little freaky. So, a single family home, must be very quiet too. Oh lordy.
Ok, enough wondering. Comments? Advice? Time to go outside.
posted by mama jens at 8:27 AM
7 Comments:
Dear Jen..
Our lives seem to be in reverse parallel if that state of being exists … You are there in Berlin thinking about your move to America and I am in a cabin in the woods two hours outside of Manhattan thinking and worrying about our move to an apartment in Germany.
In Manhattan, where I have spent most of my adult life and where our son was born and has spent most of his two years of life, the scene is similar to Berlin … People are easy to meet in playgrounds and markets, through the shared need/desire for play dates for our children, but friendships although easy to make can be thin. I don’t know if that is so much a city/sub-urban phenomenon as it is an American or regional cultural thing. Maybe it’s just that we modern humans are a bit apprehensive about the true identities of those around us – We hear so often about the postal worker or county pest control officer who are sending their evenings killing people in their basements or building bombs to protest this or that. That paranoia aside, I’ve lived on both coasts of North America and in the South … and I found those areas to be inhabited by friendly folks, willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. Three of my closest friendships were made during one of my stays in Los Angeles … a huge city but with just a pinch of that wacky California thing that makes it different from the rest of the country. One last thing about America … LA and NYC - even Seattle and San Francisco - are not really representative of the rest of the country … I don’t know if I could live in Chicago or St. Louis or Dallas … maybe, but I know that small-town life in America (for a long run – not speaking of holidays) would bore me to death. The landscape of roadside America has now become uniform from town to town – unchecked development, the same chain stores, gas stations, restaurants … All the Mom & Pop businesses have been run out of town by Wal-Mart and similar big-box stores … There is nothing to distinguish one city from another – nothing! The larger cities (and the very small towns) are the only places that have any character – the rest is white bread and in bed at 10:00PM.
Row house are a great idea … We live in a brownstone in the West Village and our garden adjoins that of our neighbors and there are birds and squirrels and flowers … things that ground you to the natural world even in the city … and to your neighbors, while affording a measure of privacy. If you find a city you love (and I would look hard at the left coast if you’re not going to live in NYC) then check out the row houses for sure …
Let me know if I can be of help in your search … and good luck.
Do you stay awake at night and wonder if you’re making the right decision? I do!
Best,
Richard
Ok, I'm curious! What did the deleted entry thing say?
Fredo
Anonymous - The entry I deleted seemed to be some kind of blog spam, if that exists. Some really lengthy advertisement...
And Richard - I'll respond to your great comment later this evening. Take care.
Richard,
Its great to hear your insight and impressions of cities/areas of the U.S. I think we are going small town, very small town...we need a break from the city for awhile. Fresh air, less traffic, grass (of the lawn variety). But a progressive community is a must. And, I am still worried that we will be quickly bored. I spend a lot of time imagining what that would be like. In Berlin, there is so much going on, and I spend most of my time at home with my children. Of course its all out there when I want to have it, but I never have the time or energy to.
And, yeah, we too are blown away by this corporate American landscape that you speak of. It is like hell on earth. Its so ugly and takes so much away from the beauty of those long, empty, American highway stretches.
And its interesting to hear about friendships and meeting people. That apprehension about true identities is interesting. That is one thing I would never think about at all here. As with fear, I don't know if this is a real phenomenon or if it is a result of the media. I tend to feel a lot more scared in the U.S. and I wonder if that is because there is actually something to be scared of or if it is just all the things I've seen on TV. Here, we watch basically no TV. And its easy to not be aware of the German local news if you want. Maybe it is a combination of both. There is definitely less crime here (and no guns). That plus the no tv = generally safe feeling.
Have you lived in Germany before? Berlin is a very fascinating place to live (the arts scene, the politics, the very transitional landscape, the high birth rate in PBerg). But the winters are hard and the coldness of some (not all!) of the people can also be a real downer at times. One thing that is very nice is the expat community. It is large enough to stay interesting with new people, etc., but small enough, that you see the same people often and have the real feeling of a community.
And yes, I definitely stay awake at night wondering if we are making the right decision!!
Mama Jens
Jen ... There are places in America that are still quite wonderful ... Sea Coast (East & West) villages come to mind - places where people come to rest or think or be - staying close to the sea which is both calming and wild with the promise of adventure (Melville comes to mind) and periodic reminders of the awesome power of nature and our tenuous hold on life at the edge of it all ...
We might want to continue this conversation at length in some other venue ... I'm happy to share with you whatever info I have that might be helpful.
Richard
I concur on all of both of your viewpoints. Germany is quite often cold and lonely, but with a little effort it can be luke warm. :)
Having lived there for about 10 months total, i guess because of my situation, i had no problem meeting people(ie studying near Hannover). But i still often felt that German cold shoulder. When i lived in Berlin recently, i already knew some people(from the school)so it helped to not be lonely and like my experience while studying I met another person to hang with that was not German.
I think part of it has to do with the language. Though, ironically when you try to use German, they address you in English(thanks coffee shop in Charlottenburg). Knowing the language enough will save you headaches and will perhaps be easier to break the ice. That and a genuine personality which hopefully erase the stereotype of you as American.
What line of work are you in Richard? Im no expert, but i'd say you have a decent chance as long as you aren't working with all ex-pats.
Jen,
i totally concur with Richard on where to live in the US - It's either NYC, LY or San Francisco, and I prefer the latter. Even if you're looking for the "village factor" - just go a bit north or South along the coast and you still havt that, whil retaining the "progressive community factor".
Jen (a born San Franciscan) and me (German, but have live 3.5 years in SF and done business along the coasts) would love to talk to you about it.
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